[Conflict rose in him: his standards, those rules he lived by to keep himself in check pushed him to stay away from her, that pursuing anything even remotely resembling a relationship with a coworker was completely out of the question. His own fear of loss wanted him to abandon all attachment he had to her, insisting it would only destroy him later. His moral standing placed her as too young for him- she really needed to find someone her age, someone who wanted something more for her, who could provide for her every want and need.
Then there was the other side of the coin: there was that physical attraction to her, one which compelled him to do whatever it took to have her body near his, to have the heat she created against him. He could hardly bring himself to admit he was attached to her- he couldn't simply forget how she'd visited him diligently in the hospital, spoken to him in spite of his sometimes brusque personality, insisted he stay where she could watch over him. There was no taking any of that back.
Nor could he take back the hot springs or what had transpired there. He could put his foot down all he liked, but that didn't change what had happened. All he could do was act for the present. The question was what would he choose?
The answer was easier to find than he'd thought it'd be. He thought of the job- he'd been told it was his job to support her, and that was all he could do for RED at the moment. He thought of himself, a man who was still trying to live in a time and place that possibly didn't exist anymore, clinging to every shred of his identity he had. He thought of her, all she represented of that time he'd lost, and all she meant to him in a way he couldn't fully express.
His voice was low when he finally spoke, but had a sense of finality.]
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branchandroot
[Action]
Date: 2012-01-25 08:08 am (UTC)Then there was the other side of the coin: there was that physical attraction to her, one which compelled him to do whatever it took to have her body near his, to have the heat she created against him. He could hardly bring himself to admit he was attached to her- he couldn't simply forget how she'd visited him diligently in the hospital, spoken to him in spite of his sometimes brusque personality, insisted he stay where she could watch over him. There was no taking any of that back.
Nor could he take back the hot springs or what had transpired there. He could put his foot down all he liked, but that didn't change what had happened. All he could do was act for the present. The question was what would he choose?
The answer was easier to find than he'd thought it'd be. He thought of the job- he'd been told it was his job to support her, and that was all he could do for RED at the moment. He thought of himself, a man who was still trying to live in a time and place that possibly didn't exist anymore, clinging to every shred of his identity he had. He thought of her, all she represented of that time he'd lost, and all she meant to him in a way he couldn't fully express.
His voice was low when he finally spoke, but had a sense of finality.]
Yes. I do.