notintehkitchen | o hay I'm actually bein a dude lol Pyro x Sniper IT'S A TRAP

o hay I'm actually bein a dude lol Pyro x Sniper IT'S A TRAP

Pyro had gotten used to the years pretending she was a male for all intents and purposes, she had convinced herself to a fault that her female self had to be hidden away at all times in order to keep up the charade. It had worked so far and no one was the wiser. Sure, she might not look as masculine as the others but not every man was born super manly. She was still passable enough visually to look like a young man who would do better in a boy band on American Bandstand then on the battlefield.

Leaning against the base after a hard days work, Pyro smoked and listened to an always frantic Scout go on about Miss Pauling. It was a good thing she could just stare and nod, Scout loved to talk and if she had to give advice on girls she would be pulling shit so far out of her ass. Scout would probably take anything though. It was pretty cute how desperate he was for that woman to accept him and he was obvious, she could only assume that Miss Pauling was a smart enough lady to not mix work and pleasure. A good woman.

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Sniper knew better than to cave to Pyro's taunting. He was a total professional, one who was fully aware he was better off in a tree with a gun than on the ground armed only with his fists. He'd spent years in the bush contemplating the best way to utilize his natural talents, perfecting his craft while figuring out how he could carve out a living in the Outback when he couldn't even grow a proper mustache.

But he wasn't in the Outback any more, nor was he armed with a gun, but he was contemplating the best way to go about his situation. Pyro was grinding his gears, much as Scout did on a daily basis. Unfortunately, this wasn't Scout, the scrawny lad who was built purely for running -- as much as it wounded his pride, Sniper knew he'd rather turn tail than be flattened in a fist fight with the brawnier Pyro.

His teeth ground together behind his lips, his glare getting icier by the second. "I didn't come here lookin' for a fight, ya bloody wanker," he growled.

Sniper was a serious guy and with a poker face most of the time, Pyro only found herself able to read him better then most due to the amount of time she spent protecting him on the battlefield. Even if his face didn't move much, Pyro did notice the change in tone or the slightest movements of one's body. If it weren't for her whole obsession with burning things she'd probably make a decent Spy. Not that she'd ever admit to it.

"Wanker is like... the F-word for Australians, right?" Or maybe it was the fuck word with the word head added at the end. Fuckhead. Something like that. Learning the slang of all her comrades after picking up an entirely foreign language had been a bit of a struggle. American slang was easier due to her exposure to Western culture through movies and music but Aussie stuff was mainly lost on her.

"Hmmm. Well. I think it takes a real man to back down from a fight without saying it's only because he thinks he'll kick my ass. It takes a pretty big person to do that." Smiling, she put down her hands to her sides and spoke with genuine sincerity and enthusiasm. "I like you. You are sort of charming in your own way... even if you are kind of stupid sometimes. I guess that's why I'm here to protect you in those times." If it wasn't for that magical voice changer making her giggle sound more masculine she would of sounded so damn girly and giddy. Even with her voice being tuned it still came off as not right.

Edited 2015-12-07 10:45 (UTC)

Sniper let out a snort. He was not going to argue with Pyro's teasing, not going to correct the lad's ideas on Australia slang, and certainly not going to—

Wait, what was that? His eyes flicked over to his teammate, the features on his face tightening with discomfort as Pyro called him 'charming.' That wasn't the type of compliment appropriate between teammates -- certainly not between two blokes.

And yet, he felt himself turn a little red -- he couldn't tell if it was the resemblance between Pyro and his cousin, or the timbre in Pyro's voice as he spoke with such sincerity, but something about the way he said it... it was flattering.

And the fact that Sniper felt that coming from a teammate made him more than a little uncomfortable.

"Right," he uttered noncommittally, pushing his hat over his face. He needed a way out of this conversation. "Call your cousin, see if she'll let me try again. No restaurant this time."

Watching him play with his hat was too precious. What a cute nervous habit. It would be fun to take it from him. What sort of faces did he hid underneath there? Laughing as she closed in on him, she then hunched down a bit to see if she could get a decent look past the hat.

"Why are you hiding? We aren't on the battlefield. You don't have to hide all the time." Although being a shy man was something that made her want to cuddle him. "Don't worry. I've got your back." More then he knew.

"Anyways, I'll go get her for you. Say... hmmm. I bet you could even see her tonight if you would like that?" She was making a pretty hefty promise. Costuming herself up again was going to be a pain but she had a hard time disappointing Sniper. She really wanted to make her comrade happy.

Though he couldn't tell just how red he actually was -- the fact that he could feel himself burning was bad enough, and in turn made him even more embarrassed -- Sniper took a step away from Pyro as the lad closed the gap between them, turning as Pyro hunched down for a closer look at his face.

"Tomorrow," he said, cycling a breath through him, not wanting his teammate to see what he was hiding beneath the brim of his hat. He wanted to run, to get out of there, to dodge any and all explanations as to why he was feeling anything, especially toward his coworker. It was that he was mortified he'd mucked up the date, he told himself. He was a professional, not someone who deserved to be teased, so he wasn't used to it. He was thinking of Momoko and noticing what qualities she shared with her cousin. There was nothing wrong with him.

He certainly wasn't experiencing the same kind of attraction he did for Momoko for his teammate. Absolutely not.

He shifted uncomfortably in his boots. "Seven. Nah, six. I'll come up with something for us to do. Just let me know where to pick 'er up."

"Hmmm. Fine. Why not meet her by the park?" It wasn't like it gave her excuse to play on the swings while SHE waited. Pyro was going to be the first one there. She had to be. There went the rest of the night. Now she had to try extra hard to look perfect.

Taking another look at Sniper, she walked past him and then stopped. She didn't say anything but she couldn't help but think if dressing up as much as she did was a waste for a man that enjoyed hiding behind his hat so much. Pyro didn't give herself enough time to think about what she said before it just escaped her lips.

"Can you... not wear your hat? It's not very nice to hide behind it." And without waiting for a response she was off and running. He would never understand just how far she was going to please her comrade. This wasn't in the contract and yet, she sort of felt excited at doing it too. It was a change of pace, being a girl for real. That's probably why she liked it, no other reason.

It was a good thing Pyro took off before Sniper had a chance to answer: that request was met with immediate denial, most of it uttered by the time Pyro was out of the room.

"I don't hide behind it," he cut back, his eyes following the retreating Pyro. "Oi! It's a nice bloody hat!"

But he had to be honest: he did hide behind it a lot. He normally kept an impassive expression well; however, when in situations far out of his comfort zone, he struggled to hide his embarrassment. He was used to being on his own, out in the wild where no one could see his failures - not that he admitted to many. People were far more troublesome to deal with than beasts.

At least he was getting a second chance to prove he wasn't a failure. He was a dinkum Aussie, a bloke through and through. He just hadn't been prepared for that fancy restaurant was all. Too far out of his element. The park, though? That was closer to his element, even if only a hair.

He could acclimate, though. All he had to do was show up an hour or two early, just to get a feel for the place. Then he could wait patiently for his date to arrive. It was like lining up the perfect shot - all he had to do was get settled in, get his bearings, and wait.

Pyro had to give up the rest of her time until the next night to make sure everything was perfect. She refused to be beaten to the place she had picked as a date for them. Sadly, it had been pretty lonely just sitting on the swings and waiting for her comrade to arrive. She could only swing so long before she started to think on everything that had been happening and stress herself out. In some strange way the stress had made her more tired then awake and she was sleepy from the extra hours she had spent up. She couldn't be 100 percent perfect all the time. If she closed her eyes for a little bit, could she be blamed? This wig might suffer a bit, but if she was careful... oh hell.

She knew her comrades footsteps, if he got near she would react accordingly. Pyro told herself that thinking she could act like an automated robot instead of a human. In the end, she had drifted off into a sleep on the swings.

Hoping to give himself a chance to prepare for this date - he had to prove he could do this, or his pride would never recover - Sniper arrived well over an hour early. He parked his camper on the road, straightened the collar of his shirt, and just before getting out of the vehicle, took off his hat and set it in the driver's seat. He grumbled as he slid out of the cabin, annoyed with himself that he was caving to Pyro's teasing about his hiding behind that hat far too often. At least he wasn't going bald like his dad just yet. Maybe he'd be lucky and make it through life with a head full of hair.

He could think more on that if he made it through the date. Running a breath through him, he tucked his keys into his pants - no vest for extra pockets, as he'd chosen to go with a nice shirt instead - and headed into the park.

And it was two steps in that he spotted her: Momoko was already there, having made herself comfortable one of the swings on the playground. Sniper didn't even have a second to wonder why she chose a swing rather than one of the benches - he threw himself behind a nearby bush as though what cover it offered him would hide his unpreparedness, what little composure he'd scraped up lost in an instant. Why was she there so early? Didn't she bloody know what time she was supposed to show up? He was supposed to have an hour to prepare and now he couldn't because of course she was already bloody there.

Peering through the branches, he took another look, making sure that was indeed her... and more importantly, trying to see if she'd spotted his escape into his impromptu hiding place.

Sniper was free to mess-up. Pyro was unaware completely as she slept. As time had passed, she had started to lean downwards. Right now, she was pretty close to losing her grip on the swings chain bars.

PLOP. Aaaand there she went on her side into the sawdust. For most people sawdust would be uncomfortable against her skin. For a young lady who had spent all her free time and then some preparing for such events she didn't have the energy or the conscious to realize where she was sleeping now. Life was pretty tough when you juggled two lives and protecting a bunch of people from harm. She only had one body. There was no splitting herself. Oh, if only...

As she adjusted herself on the ground, her dress hem begin to rise up on her legs. Like before, she had worn black leggings that hid her scars. What it didn't hid though were how thick her thighs were.

Edited 2016-01-15 19:36 (UTC)

Sniper winced as his date hit the ground, apparently so conked out that the fall didn't even faze her. What did she do that'd make her so tired?

Nope, that was getting too personal, he decided. He wasn't here to cozy up to her. He was here to prove he could have a successful date, and that'd be the end of it. He was a bloke, and he had something to prove to himself (and maybe to Pyro). That was all.

He also needed to prove he was a complete gentleman, which he absolutely didn't feel like at that second as he stared a little too long at her legs. He chided himself inwardly - he couldn't help his vantage point from his bush.

Still, he ought not let her lie on the ground like that, even if it was early for their date. Straightening up and dusting off his clothes, he headed over to her and let out a short cough once he got close, hoping to rouse her without having to point out just how much of an eyeful he was getting.

Her senses were pretty good when it came to being aware of others. The cough was enough to make her open up one eye and look upwards to take Sniper in. Holding her gaze there and processing the man she was looking at. She then brought a hand up to her face and rubbed her eyes.

"Mmnn... sorry. I... I was really tired. Not your fault. I was just--I'm never mind." Getting up from her spot on the ground and wiping the sawdust off the bottom of her dress. She then did her best to do a complete turn around. Reaching her hand out, she smiled. "We meet again. I'm happy you wanted to see me. I thought... maybe I did something weird." She blushed on account of how foolish she had been. How could she be a Pyro if she couldn't play lookout properly? Sniper didn't observe something strange while she was off dozing, did he? That was the last thing she needed.

Sniper shook his head. "Nah, it's, er."

He rubbed the back of his neck, realizing he was already second-guessing himself. He never did that on the battlefield -- there wasn't time, not when the perfect shot was often allotted only a split-second to make. When it came to doing his job, he could make the important decisions based on instinct; it took no time at all. Why was it so much harder here?

He was out of his element, yes, but he needed to adapt, and quickly. "It wasn't you," he answered truthfully, taking her hand to give it a polite shake. "I don't, um. I don't get a lot of dates. Thought it might go better if we weren't somewhere so formal."

"I see. So..." She placed a fist underneath her chin before continuing. "You were trying to impress me. Well." She didn't need fancy stuff, she could have whatever she wanted. Sniper didn't know that and it was probably natural to assume a woman would be impressed be luxury items or delicious food. The second part could work on her, but French food had never been up there on her all time favorites. If it was a pile of bacon on the other hand--no. Focus.

"I don't need that kinda stuff. Just normal food is fine, too. It doesn't have to look nice so long as it tastes good." Poking him lightly with her free hand against his chest, she laughed. "That is... sort of sweet and cute. If you keep trying so hard I'm gonna want to take you home~! Can't say I've ever had a guy wanting to impress someone with a face like mine."

"Can't see why ya don't got people fawning all over ya," he let slip, shutting his trap belatedly as he realized what he'd said. He stiffened instantly, then tried to cover for it. He was supposed to be smooth on this date, not the nervous wreck he'd been on the previous one -- if he could handle hunting the most dangerous beasts in the world back home, he could handle a simple date with a lady.

"Er, what I'm tryin' to say is that, um. You're not a bad looker at all. S'nothing wrong with your face that I can see."

Very romantic, indeed. It was the truth, though: she was a few years too young for him to properly date -- this was just a casual date, he insisted, nothing serious -- but she had an attractive face, and a body with curves to match. It was a shame he couldn't be serious with her, and that it wasn't right for him to court a coworker's relative. This was just to prove he could handle this whole 'date' thing like any other bloke.

Yes, it was definitely a shame, and one he was certainly not mulling over for far too long in his mind.

Edited 2016-02-05 07:50 (UTC)

He was too cute. She never thought anyone could get near Engie in terms of cuteness level but to see a grown man fumbling over a girl like her was enough to make her swoon. Something about imperfection became perfections for her. No matter how hard she wanted to take him home it couldn't be possible due to obvious reasons. If she held that thought in her mind too long she knew she would get depressed. Taking home and knowing the real her... not the boy her or the fake girl her. If he could just know Momo, that would be nice to share. She only needed one person...

Realizing she had paused for a long time, she then got closer to him and nodded. "Uh! It's... I don't know. Maybe I have bad luck." Because my face is really disgusting if you take away this make-up mask of mine... "I mean, I think men have looked at me but possibly only in disgust. I think I might be too scary!" Despite looking positively adorable right now in her mannerisms and attire. "I've been told I'm too friendly and that I will scare men off if I don't play hard to get." But that didn't make sense. Men wanted that s-word, didn't they? Wasn't she good enough? Not that she wanted to have the s-word with just anyone. No, they would have to be special.

Sniper gave her a smile, a little relieved she didn't seem put off by his faux pas. He got bolder as he took a step closer to her himself.

"I've faced down crocodiles, water buffalo, and me mum on a bad day. Pretty sure there ain't nothin' you can do to scare me off."

Much smoother. He could do this.

She smiled more at the secret that was right under his nose then anything else. It was a bit hard not to crack. She wasn't a robot. Pyro was a very emotional girl who did her best to control what she felt. Inwardly, she kept apologizing. "Oh, I could think of something." But there was no going there.

"If I took off my clothes, I bet you'd run the other way." She was joking, totally.

He was glad she was playing along with him, challenging his bluff -- right up until she bested him with the threat of taking off her clothes. He laughed in the initial moment following that statement, his mind needing a second to process that thought. And once he had, and his imagination was painting an image to match her offer, he looked as though he'd swallowed a bug.

He coughed, and his hand immediately went to his brow to push his hat over his face; it froze once it got there, as he remembered his hat wasn't there to hide him, to disguise how ruddy his face was getting.

"Right," he said in the pause, trying to focus on anything but that mental image dancing in front of his mind's eye. "I mean, no, not right, but um."

He groaned. So much for Mr. Smooth. Time to change tactics.

"If yer 'ungry, we can go ahead and pick up something. Thought we might visit the arcade after. I'll show ya what I'm really good at." ... which apparently wasn't dates.

Were old men usually this cute? Why did cute have to be her weakness of all things? Cute was subjective too and with Pyro so many things could be cute.

"Aah. Damn." She looked at him attempt to play it good. Having to control the limits of how far she went with what she said and did because this was her comrade.

Cool it. It's not like I can have sex with him. WHAT. What did she just think? Shut-up brain! Sex?! She had never even done THAT. Sniper and her were not an item. No way, no how.

Looking down towards the ground, she looked at her boots and fidgeted. Her body felt tense, her ears red and she got an annoying tingly shiver that she refused to admit was because she was only human. Everyone wanted love and attention. Attention from a good-looking older man would be right up her alley.

Swallowing hard, she stumbled forward and quickly thought of what to say. "What are you hungry for?"

"Haven't really thought about it," he answered, figuring that 'I'm hungry for a date that doesn't end terribly' would not be an appropriate answer if he wanted to impress her. He rubbed at his neck, feeling tension in it.

"You pick, and I'll pay for it. How's that?"

"Oh! I like anything with meat! Lots of bacon is the best!" And it took 0.2 seconds for her brain to go from lewd thoughts to thoughts of devouring a mountain ton of food. Food was better then sex. Not that she knew but she assumed it would have to be!

Not catching that what she said would sound like her cousin he worked with, she outstretched both of her hands and started to tug on his arm like an excited kid with bright eyes. "Do you want to have BBQ? We can do it!" Going shopping with Sniper sounded fun, it'd be interesting to see what he actually enjoyed eating considering the answer she had was nothing with the way he was so thin and lanky.

"Right," Sniper said noncommittally, his eyes trailing to his arm as she grabbed it and gave it a tug. There was something she'd said that had caught his attention -- the thing about bacon -- but he couldn't quite put his finger on why. It took another second of his mind firing with half its cylinders (the others were still lamenting his lack of a hat) before he placed it.

"You er. Like bacon too, huh?" he started, letting her lead the way.

"Too? ...Oh!" That wasn't enough to give her away. Sniper couldn't deduct they were one in the same because of a love for bacon. No reason to be scared. "Yep. My cousin likes it too but I bet I like it more!" Laughing as she walked with him, she paused in thought before turning towards the man who was both her date and comrade.

"Are we using your car?" Whew. She almost thought she was going to say camper van without being able to catch herself. "Ummm... my car is very tiny." Not a full lie, it was a motorcycle with no extra space.

"We can," he answered, not wanting to have to ride in a tiny car. He'd been in Spy's vehicle once -- it was one of those low-to-the-ground numbers that was all looks and no leg room. That, coupled with the fact that the man drove like an absolute maniac, made Sniper never want to ride with him again.

"What else do you and your cousin got in common?" he asked idly, leading the way toward his camper.

o hay I'm actually bein a dude lol Pyro x Sniper IT'S A TRAP

Are we having fun? Is this how mercenaries have fun???

is this how comrades compliment each other not gayly... oh its gay? okay.

I LIVE. OH BOY HOW I'VE MISSED YOU

ohboyohboy same!

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thighsthighsthighsthighs

Sing that to Thomson Twins' "Lies" XD

:O

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sniper don't you dare misunderstand XD

Whoops, he misunderstood. :>

look at these two be lewd

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Pyro, don't. DON'T.

PYRO, DO.

Re: PYRO, DO.

/BODYSLAMS INTO THIS THREAD

Ohi

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