It's time for that crit I promised you! I went over stuff with Pyro and Ai with a fine-toothed comb in the hopes of coming up with stuff, so I really hope this helps. ♥
Overall, I am still going to argue that you are better than you give yourself credit for. Your characters are distinctive in terms of personality to where they all feel unique in action and voice, and I really like your OC concepts. Other than the occasional misspelled word (and in looking over threads together, I found several in my own tags that now I wish I could go back and fix- oops), your writing is very solid.
One thing I did notice that you don't do as much as you used to is introspection or narration in your writing, save for physical actions. While it's not really necessary for tags (especially not in [action] tags, which are generally expected to be quicker and conversational despite the fact that people like me will tl;dr through them for far longer than I'm sure some people would like), seeing a character's thought process is something I personally enjoy a lot. You still do it on occasion, like where Pyro realized Sniper wasn't who she thought he was, or with Ai talking to Jean. Even though my character isn't a mind-reader, I still love to see the gears in a character's head tick as they figure out things, put pieces of the puzzle together, or what they're feeling in a certain situation, even if their body language isn't showing it.
That kind of stuff can lead to interesting, unplanned developments, too. This happened to me in our very first thread in 3Step. I was writing some introspection for RED where he was pondering the date, and it occurred to me that he'd think about how his parents are probably dead by then. That actually led into a lot of feelings of complete isolation for him, which kind of helped push him toward opening up to others and has ultimately been a big deal for him as a whole. I just never even thought about it until that moment.
Characterization-wise, I do like that you're showing off that more mature side of Pyro sometimes (critting on her here because I'm far more familiar with your characterization of her than of Ai and Kevin). She's a complex character you put a lot of thought into, and I like being able to see those facets, especially that she has this kind of childlike mask she hides behind to block out the trauma. That's something I thought was really awesome when Meet the Pyro came out especially, because it was an idea you'd been playing with for months already. That is super cool. I will admit I really have liked seeing her develop into this dynamic character who is balancing these two sides, and seeing how characters interact with both: Hana had seen her as a motherly figure, RED sees both sides of her and gets conflicted as she gives him some mixed signals, BLU sees only the childlike, dangerous side, etc. It's a nice ripple effect to see not only how she has to handle it herself, but how other characters perceive her, as well.
Still, I know you said the other day that you felt like you played more for the lulz, and if that's how you truly want to play, then you might try backing off from that more mature side for a while and seeing if that helps. Your writer's block might be made worse by being out of your comfort zone with her, especially since we've been threading a lot of plot-heavy, serious stuff as of late. I'm not entirely sure- it's just a suggestion.
It helps me to think in terms of what I want to do with a character in the long-term and have some kind of a vague goals they're working toward, even if it's something little like for RED to learn that he just has to accept things how they are sometimes, whether it's in love, work, or being moved to a futuristic city controlled by the gods. It might help you with some of the introspection thing, too: what does Pyro want in X situation? Or out of her life as a whole? Does she want to stay there in Paradise, or is there some conflict where she wants to go back to her job because it's one of the few things that helps her keep her pyromania in check? Does she have concerns with the relationship with Sniper affecting with that? Jealousy issues to work on that could add conflict into the mix? The same goes for Ai: does she have envy when it comes to Jean and other women? Does she vie for his attention and reach out to other men to get it sometimes? How is she adapting to Paradise? Would she really see how far she could go with pretending to be a god? Who could she manipulate with that? Et cetera.
That said, if you ever do want to plot some time or need someone to bump ideas off of, feel free to give me a nudge! Of course, I'm generally a long-term plotter, and that's the sort of thing that works for me. Then again, not everyone wants to plot things ahead of time (in fact, a lot of people I've met don't like to plot things months in advance, so I'm probably the oddball out in this). If that's more of your playstyle, where you just kind of take things as they come and play around that, you might try branching out your CR more to see what developments you get.
Long story short: you are doing much better than you think you are, and are still overly critical of yourself. Even so, I would suggest branching out CR-wise and maybe delving more into what makes your characters tick in tags. That kind of introspection really helps people see how fleshed out your characters are, and also allows a window into their thought process for both you and your thread partner, which can sometimes bring unexpected surprises to your character's development. I'm really glad you've been getting Momo and Ai out and about more, and I would love to see more of them. Just have confidence in yourself! I know I do, and I'm not the only one who enjoys having you to thread with. You are wonderful, and you should know it. ♥ ♥ ♥
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-31 11:31 pm (UTC)Overall, I am still going to argue that you are better than you give yourself credit for. Your characters are distinctive in terms of personality to where they all feel unique in action and voice, and I really like your OC concepts. Other than the occasional misspelled word (and in looking over threads together, I found several in my own tags that now I wish I could go back and fix- oops), your writing is very solid.
One thing I did notice that you don't do as much as you used to is introspection or narration in your writing, save for physical actions. While it's not really necessary for tags (especially not in [action] tags, which are generally expected to be quicker and conversational despite the fact that people like me will tl;dr through them for far longer than I'm sure some people would like), seeing a character's thought process is something I personally enjoy a lot. You still do it on occasion, like where Pyro realized Sniper wasn't who she thought he was, or with Ai talking to Jean. Even though my character isn't a mind-reader, I still love to see the gears in a character's head tick as they figure out things, put pieces of the puzzle together, or what they're feeling in a certain situation, even if their body language isn't showing it.
That kind of stuff can lead to interesting, unplanned developments, too. This happened to me in our very first thread in 3Step. I was writing some introspection for RED where he was pondering the date, and it occurred to me that he'd think about how his parents are probably dead by then. That actually led into a lot of feelings of complete isolation for him, which kind of helped push him toward opening up to others and has ultimately been a big deal for him as a whole. I just never even thought about it until that moment.
Characterization-wise, I do like that you're showing off that more mature side of Pyro sometimes (critting on her here because I'm far more familiar with your characterization of her than of Ai and Kevin). She's a complex character you put a lot of thought into, and I like being able to see those facets, especially that she has this kind of childlike mask she hides behind to block out the trauma. That's something I thought was really awesome when Meet the Pyro came out especially, because it was an idea you'd been playing with for months already. That is super cool. I will admit I really have liked seeing her develop into this dynamic character who is balancing these two sides, and seeing how characters interact with both: Hana had seen her as a motherly figure, RED sees both sides of her and gets conflicted as she gives him some mixed signals, BLU sees only the childlike, dangerous side, etc. It's a nice ripple effect to see not only how she has to handle it herself, but how other characters perceive her, as well.
Still, I know you said the other day that you felt like you played more for the lulz, and if that's how you truly want to play, then you might try backing off from that more mature side for a while and seeing if that helps. Your writer's block might be made worse by being out of your comfort zone with her, especially since we've been threading a lot of plot-heavy, serious stuff as of late. I'm not entirely sure- it's just a suggestion.
It helps me to think in terms of what I want to do with a character in the long-term and have some kind of a vague goals they're working toward, even if it's something little like for RED to learn that he just has to accept things how they are sometimes, whether it's in love, work, or being moved to a futuristic city controlled by the gods. It might help you with some of the introspection thing, too: what does Pyro want in X situation? Or out of her life as a whole? Does she want to stay there in Paradise, or is there some conflict where she wants to go back to her job because it's one of the few things that helps her keep her pyromania in check? Does she have concerns with the relationship with Sniper affecting with that? Jealousy issues to work on that could add conflict into the mix? The same goes for Ai: does she have envy when it comes to Jean and other women? Does she vie for his attention and reach out to other men to get it sometimes? How is she adapting to Paradise? Would she really see how far she could go with pretending to be a god? Who could she manipulate with that? Et cetera.
That said, if you ever do want to plot some time or need someone to bump ideas off of, feel free to give me a nudge! Of course, I'm generally a long-term plotter, and that's the sort of thing that works for me. Then again, not everyone wants to plot things ahead of time (in fact, a lot of people I've met don't like to plot things months in advance, so I'm probably the oddball out in this). If that's more of your playstyle, where you just kind of take things as they come and play around that, you might try branching out your CR more to see what developments you get.
Long story short: you are doing much better than you think you are, and are still overly critical of yourself. Even so, I would suggest branching out CR-wise and maybe delving more into what makes your characters tick in tags. That kind of introspection really helps people see how fleshed out your characters are, and also allows a window into their thought process for both you and your thread partner, which can sometimes bring unexpected surprises to your character's development. I'm really glad you've been getting Momo and Ai out and about more, and I would love to see more of them. Just have confidence in yourself! I know I do, and I'm not the only one who enjoys having you to thread with. You are wonderful, and you should know it. ♥ ♥ ♥