And I didn't? I'm a bloody professional. I really shouldn't—
[He lost his words somewhere in the middle. As much as he told himself he shouldn't have been pursuing this, the fact was that he was- at his deepest level, he both was and wanted to pursue it, wanted her. The mere thought of her against him drove him to her; he wanted her all to himself, his inclination for selfishness and greed shutting out that self-control and professionalism he was so proud of when she was nearby.
He told himself it was nothing more than a carnal urge, one he should have been able to ignore- should have, but couldn't, and that was the problem. In most situations, if he couldn't change something, he need to adapt to it; however, that involved doing some things he was less than proud of in this case. She was nearly half his age. A teammate. Why couldn't it have been anyone else?
But it wasn't. It was her he wanted so badly, and that was getting harder and harder to deny. He opened his eyes- they trailed to her immediately, then to the hands clasped in her lap. Temptation over came him: he reached for one of her hands, closing his eyes again as his fingers curled around hers.]
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branchandroot
[Action]
Date: 2012-02-04 08:24 pm (UTC)[He lost his words somewhere in the middle. As much as he told himself he shouldn't have been pursuing this, the fact was that he was- at his deepest level, he both was and wanted to pursue it, wanted her. The mere thought of her against him drove him to her; he wanted her all to himself, his inclination for selfishness and greed shutting out that self-control and professionalism he was so proud of when she was nearby.
He told himself it was nothing more than a carnal urge, one he should have been able to ignore- should have, but couldn't, and that was the problem. In most situations, if he couldn't change something, he need to adapt to it; however, that involved doing some things he was less than proud of in this case. She was nearly half his age. A teammate. Why couldn't it have been anyone else?
But it wasn't. It was her he wanted so badly, and that was getting harder and harder to deny. He opened his eyes- they trailed to her immediately, then to the hands clasped in her lap. Temptation over came him: he reached for one of her hands, closing his eyes again as his fingers curled around hers.]
We've both been acting strange. S'not just you.