notintehkitchen | o hay I'm actually bein a dude lol Pyro x Sniper IT'S A TRAP

"Delicious? Amazing? Fantastic?" Despite saying it wasn't his thing, Pyro chimed in as she continued to eat. Between bites she did chatter away, something she was excellent at doing.

"So, what do you think about my cousin?" On the inside, she knew she was being a little selfish asking Sniper his opinion on her when she was right in front of him unknowingly. Having to put up with all of this to make her comrade feel better though she should of gotten a little reward. Sniper was a man, he could take this. It wasn't like he was ever going to figure out the truth about her anyways.

"Yer—" He stopped, remembering through the haze of nervousness that yes, it was his coworker and her cousin who had set him up on this date to begin with. This was clearly Pyro's fault.

Not that saying that would impress Momoko, and given how lovely she was, he really did want to impress her, despite himself -- or at the very least, not make himself look like a complete fool.

"I don't know the lad all that well, honestly," he admitted. "We work together, but he and I do different jobs. I'm an assassin, and he's..."

Sniper fumbled for a word, as he was unsure of whether or not Momoko knew what her cousin did for a living. To be fair, it was safer he kept the details scant, given the stipulations of their contracts. "He specializes in keepin' the pest population around our base down."

That seemed truthful enough -- after all, Spies were the epitome of pesky.

Edited 2015-10-07 19:26 (UTC)

Ohoho. He was trying to be crafty with how to put what her job was despite the fact they were given titles? Sniper wasn't too good at talking to normal people. "I see." With the cream puff finished, Pyro resisted the urge to lick her hands and instead took a napkin and cleaned them off.

"You are given such strange yet specific sounding names." And he just admitted he was an assassin. Now, a normal girl would react differently. But how should she put it? Maybe she should play it off dumb even though anyone with half a brain would know an assassin meant he killed people.

"So..." Her eyes got big and hopeful. "You are like James Bond?!" It was hard to tell if her question was sincere or teasing.

"James Bond?" he asked. "That bloke from the film? He's more like Spy than me."

And he meant that on several levels: for one, it was more of Spy's job to steal the intelligence than it was his -- he wouldn't be caught dead trying to run into an enclosed space for a briefcase. That wasn't what he specialized in.

Secondly -- and not that he'd seen the movie, of course, or would admit to having seen it -- both Bond and Spy had gadgets they relied on. Sniping was about skill, not about what toys one had to make up for talent.

And third, well... both Spy and Bond had a way with women. Sniper certainly didn't, if the way he shifted nervously in his seat whenever he looked across the table at his date was any indication. She was younger than him, and probably should be looking for someone more her age, but he couldn't stop looking at her, stealing glances to take in her features.

"Hmmm. But your job is secretive is it not? And I mean--you are certainly just as handsome." Pyro was throwing those compliments in his face. Watching Sniper react and fidget about to a woman was almost too cute. If she pinched his cheeks and told him she wanted to take him home she would probably ruin his life forever. It wasn't very cute when a grown woman said things to a grown man like that--usually.

To be honest, she had to admit deep down she was flattered with the way she was gawked at. Apparently she was still female if reading Sniper's movements and face told her anything. Granted she was using quite a bit of make-up to cover her scars but other then that... most of her, was indeed all her. Hah, if she could see her Mom right now she bet she'd be fuming. No man is ever going to want a childish tomboy like you. Psssh.

"It's quite hard for me not to want to cuddle you." Was cuddling okay? Did grown-ups say cuddle? She bet if she nuzzled her cheek against his chin it would tickle from his whiskers.

Pyro's words hit their mark: he turned as red as his work shirt as she called him handsome, and couldn't help that smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth. With his hat in the seat beside him, he had nowhere to hide but behind his menu. He took a deep breath back there, trying to settle his nerves and not look as flustered as he was because an attractive woman was flirting with him. Him. Not Spy, not Demoman, not the mustached bloke next to him -- him.

He didn't even get to process what she said next as the waiter arrived to take their dinner orders. Given the conversation, Sniper hadn't taken much of a look at the menu -- his solution was to point to something that sounded vaguely appealing in the French language and hope that he wouldn't choke on it when it arrived.

He also needed water. Lots of water, please. The waiter nodded, smiling to himself at Sniper's crimson color as he turned to take Pyro's order, letting her date hide another moment.

Blinking as Sniper remained quiet, she was curious if she said something off-putting? He looked weird but was it in a bad way? He was so red. Hopefully that was from blushing and not something else.

As she was about to ask him if he was okay, she then saw the waiter and began to put her order down. Mainly? More desserts. That seemed safe. When finished, she decided she'd ask if she was being an okay date. Wait. That was probably not a thing you should ask on an actual date.

This was pretty awkward.

Waiting until Sniper would finish his order, she finally got back to talking.

"Um. Are you... feeling alright? You are all red and stuff. You can put your head in my lap if you want."

He looked absolutely feverish as he finally emerged from behind his menu, handing it to the waiter with a word of thanks as he adjusted his tie for the umpteenth time. The other man was thankfully aware of his plight, and grabbed a glass of water from a passing waitress, handing it to Sniper. He looked like he needed it.

And he definitely did. He downed half of it as the waiter walked away, only to nearly spit it out as Pyro questioned him.

Oh, and she offered to let him put her head in his lap. He wasn't sure what that meant, or if there was something lost in translation, but his embarrassment was evident all the same.

He choked on the water in his throat, barely getting it down as he rasped: "What?"

Edited 2015-10-14 07:20 (UTC)

"Uh!" What did she say wrong? It didn't sound wrong to her and yet this reaction of his was the worst yet. "It was merely a suggestion, you don't have to. I'm worried about you because--well..." Fidgeting a bit in her chair, she poked her fingertips together. "You don't seem so well. Look, I'm sorry... did I do something bad?" And with that her eyes got big and watery. Pyro looked as if she were some sort of puppy dog afraid it was in trouble, she just needed the ears and the tail.

"Or maybe... I'm not you type..."

Sniper cringed as she looked at him, her eyes bleary, her posture apologetic despite having done nothing wrong. "Wh— no, it's not anything you did! I mean, what you asked was, er."

He shook his head, words tangling together in his mind to the point where he couldn't think straight. Gritting his teeth, he bit back his nerves, rubbing the back of his neck as he avoided her gaze.

"It's not you." He sighed heavily, wishing he didn't feel so foolish, but knowing he'd only make things worse if he didn't come clean. "I know you're only here because your cousin asked you to come. I'm just... I'm not... real experienced with dates. Not used to a beaut like you callin' me handsome rather than the next bloke."

She wasn't too good at this date thing either. When she got deep and personal with her own comrade she couldn't say a lot of her info was helping her make this date run any smoother. When he denied his looks again, she sighed before placing her hands on her upper thighs and looking down.

Acknowledging and then repeating her own opinions on Sniper's looks was way more difficult then it looked. Just calling him handsome hadn't been enough? What would the average, flirty type of girl who had every man under their thumb do? Pyro wasn't a seductress and going beyond anything but cute with her youthful and childish face was not going to happen.

"Fine. Do you want to go some place private so I can prove to you how handsome you are?" Her words were straight and sounded like she wasn't joking. Whatever her intention if he said yes, she didn't know. Then again, she wasn't counting on him saying yes.

Deep down, Sniper was a gentlemen just like Engineer. She trusted in that.

Momoko might not have known what she'd do if he said yes, but Sniper had no idea how to respond in the first place. There was a first time for everything, and he had to say this was definitely the first time a woman had come onto him so... strongly.

Well, maybe they'd tried before, but he hadn't been as interested in them as he was in her. He hadn't put much stock into relationships: they held him back from his career, could be used against him, and in all honesty, he never saw himself as the type who would settle down anyway, much to his mum's dismay. And yet, here he was, in a restaurant with a lovely lady, all dressed up himself and trying to impress her as he struggled to maintain even the barest of conversation. The fact that she was easy on his eyes was a shame, given she was related to a coworker and really ought not get mixed up with a professional assassin like himself.

"Er..." He swallowed hard as he ran a hand through his hair. "No, it's, um. Hn."

That wasn't exactly the response he'd been working on, so he tried again.

"I'll be honest... the problem is that I probably shouldn't've come on this date in the first place. I don't know what I'm doing here."

Pyro was surprised. He really was a good guy that tried to be honest. As someone who had always hated lies even small ones, she always marveled at others who tried to hold themselves up as better people. "Hey... I appreciate it. Telling the truth can be hard but it's right thing to do. Jeez, now I really do like you a bit..." Her cheeks this time were the ones turning red. To think she wasn't around Engineer and yet her face felt this funny. Sniper was capable of making her feel warm too. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

"A shame though, but I don't want to force you to do anything. I think Sniper should just be himself. It's no fun pretending to be someone else." That last sentence was heavier in weight then anything else she had ever said. Pyro led a double-life and had made up a cousin in order for her comrade's health and stability to be improved both on and off the battlefield. "It's the... worst... actually..." Looking down at the remainder of her meal, her face turned sad as she trailed off. Her heart stung and if there was a possibility she could tell Sniper the truth she would but it would mean risking so much for the both of them. Sniper needed his job, he lived for this job. It made him happy. She was happy too, she just wished she could be known as a woman and not a man who had to tweak bits of her personality around her comrades to appear less feminine.

"Did you know Pyro has some similar hardships? I mean--he's mentioned them. There's someone he likes but can't tell that person."

Sniper rubbed the back of his neck, wondering what he'd said to make her react like that. He'd thought he'd seen her blush, and it crossed his mind that maybe she was as nervous as he was. Perhaps she had similar reservations regarding his age and his being a coworker to a relative, even if she had been flirting with him a bit aggressively only a second before.

And somewhere after that second, she'd gone from forward to forlorn, and he couldn't pinpoint exactly why. It wasn't as though he didn't think she was attractive -- and he'd even tried to say it a few times, though he was sure the message was getting as muddled as the rest of his thoughts. She had said she wasn't any good with dates, either. Maybe that was why Pyro thought the two of them ought to meet.

"Like I said, I don't really talk to the lad much outside of work. I mostly keep to meself. It's easier that way, with what we do for a living."

"Maybe you should. Pyro likes to talk." It wasn't a lie and it wouldn't be bad to learn more about her comrade. The only comrades she was really close to was Scout due to their similarities in age and Engineer who she spent most of the time protecting.

Not sure how to end this date or even how to walk away from it, she bit down on her lip. "Uhm... it's okay that you don't want to do this. I'm sorry." She shouldn't of been apologizing but she was apologizing for both of her personas.

Deciding to get up from the table, she went over to his side and bowed apologetically before pecking him on the cheek. Finishing that action was enough to make her want to escape in embarrassment and yet she felt obligated to make him a little happy. Heading towards the door, she slipped out and started to walk down the block. Sniper couldn't find out she had came here on the very motorcycle that Pyro owned.

The date had been difficult, to say the least. The conversation -- Sniper's attempts at it, rather -- abysmal. The food, obnoxiously French.

However, it was that peck on the cheek as Momoko made her exit that had left Sniper stunned and completely lost. He could hardly process why she'd do such a thing, much less why she would apologize when he was the one who'd completely bungled the outing. He sat in silence for a minute or two, his eyes on the door and his mind entirely elsewhere, before the waiter came to attend to him, reminding him that there was a world outside of his own head.

And that was the end of the so-called date. He'd paid for their food, left in a hurry, gotten back to the base, and tried to forget everything that had happened. Perhaps it was a good thing he wasn't particularly interested in settling down with a wife, anyway. It was one of those areas where he was painfully inept, and would therefore rather avoid. He didn't want to think about it, nor did he want to bump into Pyro and have to tell the lad how it went. He was sure his coworker's cousin would tell him anyway, and then the news would be out that a professional assassin like himself couldn't handle a single date with a lovely lady.

The problem was that bumping into Pyro was inevitable: they did work at the same base together, after all. Maybe he should have thought about that before agreeing to go on a date with the man's cousin.

Edited 2015-10-26 07:04 (UTC)

Pyro was just happy to have made it back after getting rid of her get-up without being detected. As paranoid as she was, she had used a public restroom for at least a half an hour trying to rub of all her make-up with soap and water. The amount of foundation and powder she needed had been insane. Taking into account she had been worried that if her cousin had freckles in all the same spots she did too, she might be caught. There was no way your cousin looked exactly your twin when you were male and female. How could she make that believable? It was too bad she couldn't get tips from Spy--then again he could just disguise himself easily when he wanted to.

Back at base, after a few days on the battlefield the team was given a day off. As she headed back to the base, her teammate closest to her age ran in front of her and stopped her to talk her head off. It was a common occurrence. To be polite, she took off her mask so she could show him she was attentively listening. Something was a bit odd though with Scout's reaction as Pyro ran a hand through her hair that was long enough to have Soldier scolding her to cut it. It wasn't THAT long, but she still had the longest hair of anyone.

Tilting her head, before she could ask what the red-faced boy was thinking about he took off with an arm over the lower half of his face. His overall posture looked of one that had been insulted or embarrassed and yet she hadn't said a single word. Strange...

Shrugging it off, she went over to the entrance and plopped down. Unzipping her suit down to her waist she slid off it off her upper frame and revealed her toned shoulders. It was time to have a smoke and try to take the edge off the exhausting day and the weird occurrence that had just happened. It had been rough, out on the battlefield today it seemed the opposing Soldier and Heavy really had it in for her. She had respawned several times in an attempt to keep her comrades safe.

Though a day off meant that Sniper could relax, it also meant two things:

a. They weren't getting paid.
b. He might actually have to pay attention to both his thoughts and his teammates at some point, as his work wasn't there to distract him.

And he did need distractions, as it turned out. Despite how horribly it had gone, Sniper couldn't get that evening with Momoko out of his head -- not the date itself, nor the things she had said to him. She'd complimented him, paid attention to him rather than to anyone else in the room, as seemed to be the normal occurrence any time he actually went out with the other REDs. Her behavior catered to his sense of self-esteem, and made him feel... really good, as much as he didn't want to admit having enjoyed such things. He had no time for a relationship with his work.

But the more he thought about what she'd said, and how she'd looked at him, and how she'd looked sitting across the table from him... the more he wanted it. He wanted to bask in that feeling again, as well as to make up for his terrible first impression -- and it had been truly horrible, much to his chagrin. He was having a hard time mending his pride after how miserable of a date he'd been. He was lucky no one seemed to have heard about it yet.

Unfortunately, asking for another date to make up for the first would mean talking to Pyro, and Sniper had been pointedly avoiding that -- not just because of the embarrassment of having been an awful courtier, but because of something he absolutely did not want to address.

Yet, every time he looked at his teammate, he saw it: the lad looked a lot like his cousin, painfully so. In the same way Sniper had been drawn to Momoko's looks, he couldn't help that same attraction suddenly grabbing him when he looked at his fellow RED. He could almost picture the lad in the outfit she'd been wearing, that dress clinging to her every curve, stockings showing the shape of her legs—

It wasn't right, he reminded himself as stepped outside of his camper and spotted Pyro smoking outside the base. It wasn't right to think of another bloke like that, especially not a coworker. It was his nerves, he told himself. He was just sore the date had gone badly, and he needed to make up for it. Once he'd done that, he'd stop obsessing over it. He knew all too well how he tended to fixate on situations, whether it was the battlefield before him, the hunt for a wild beast, or even something as simple as a date with a lovely lady. He was a competitive man, a true professional: he wouldn't quit until the job was done.

And so he couldn't quit now. He took a deep breath and headed over to Pyro, giving the lad a wave in greeting.

"G'day, Pyro."

Seeing Sniper heading towards her was a little surprising. This wasn't the type of guy who wanted to bring up casual conversation. Why did she get the feeling he wanted something from her? Sighing inwardly, she raised her hand up near her forehead in a half-salute and smiled. Might as well try to get closer to one of her comrades she was often protecting.

"Heya, Snipes! What's going on?" In the back of her mind, she thought about what she had done not too long ago. Dressing as a girl and being useful to Sniper emotionally outside of work wasn't on the job list. Being too nice really could be a problem...

Deciding he might want to scold her for her work not being up to par, she flushed. "Uhm... Sorry about today. I'll do better next time. I'm really embarrassed about it." Then again, it was that time of the month. Not that she was going to get into that as an excuse.

Sniper waved a hand, dismissing Pyro's unnecessary apology. "Not what I came to talk to you about."

He paused, trying to ignore Pyro's reddening face and how much it reminded him of the lad's cousin. Speaking of her... "Er. About your cousin."

Yep. Good start.

Edited 2015-11-02 03:46 (UTC)

That was fast. She didn't think she'd be talking about the fake cousin that was actually her right off the bat. Sniper wanted to get down to business and yet she had to feign ignorance about anything that had happened between the two of them that night.

"Um. Yes? What about her?" Placing her hands over her head, she began to pray he didn't make up some sort of story about having his way with her in some sort strange way men seemed to brag and bond with one another. Seriously! How could they talk about THAT even while eating? Food was better then sex, easily.

He cleared his throat, trying to give himself time to figure out exactly what it was he wanted to say, as well as the way to say it that would do the least damage to his pride. He needed to figure out what Pyro knew first, if anything.

"You heard anything about how it went?"

"Not really." Guess she should remind him of the whole attractive part. While playing this role she could use her fake persona as the one truly saying it.

"Said you were handsome and her type." It wasn't a lie. He was handsome. Annnd... if this were some alternative universe maybe she would even be interested in him. There was already someone she held special in her heart even if that someone would never know the truth in front of them just like the comrade she was speaking to now.

Feeling a little annoyed with herself, she mentally cursed now. What was wrong with her? Always falling for old men... falling for someone dangerously close to her that she couldn't let know what she really was... damn, she was pathetic.

At that moment, she surprised herself with the next words out of her mouth. "I doubt there's any need to worry. I mean, look at you." She threw her hands up. "You... you.. actually look like what a man should look like. Girls aren't pinching your cheeks and only calling you cute or pretty and squealing over how adorable you are. Really makes a man feel like a man." Her experiences as a man in town at bars had been oddities. Girls did talk to her but she didn't think they actually wanted her in a sexual way.

Sniper shifted uncomfortably as Pyro talked about him -- not just reiterating what his cousin had said on their date, but giving him a compliment of his own. The way the lad put it was even similar, so much so that Sniper couldn't help but be reminded of Momoko.

He got that same feeling she gave him when she called him attractive, as well. He felt his face turning red, his mouth drying. It was odd enough to think of himself as 'what a man should look like,' having been raised as the one kid without a mustache in a country where they were the norm for both men and women alike. To have his coworker -- another man -- say something like that unsettled him.

But what made his stomach turn the most was that he couldn't help but be a little flattered. Pyro reminded Sniper of Momoko in the worst way. He fumbled with his hat, trying not to look as flustered as he felt.

"The date didn't go well," he finally managed to mumble, trying to ignore how hot his face felt.

"Oh." Yeaaaah, he could say that. She wasn't sure it was his fault though. Poor guy. "I'm sure it wasn't that bad. She didn't tell me she ran off crying and I can't recall her saying anything negative about you." Rubbing at her eyes, she yawned. It had been a long day and a rough week. Pretending to be a boy who then had to pretend to be a girl in order to support her comrade was more difficult then she imagined.

"I dunno..." She shrugged and stretched her arms upwards as she cracked her neck. "I guess I can talk to her again if you want." Although she had a feeling that was going to lead to her having to find another costume and hours of prepping herself to look like a girly girl.

"Maybe you are just too hard on yourself. You don't have to take a date as seriously as your job. Relax or something. You don't want a girl to think you're all uptight, right?" Pointing to herself, she then winked. "Be a little like me... or like Scout--but not the asshole part. Ah, hell. You know what I mean."

no subject

no subject

Sniper wished he got laid as much

Yes, yes he does. Sometimes.

pyro pls let sniper breathe

He's going to pass out and die. You just wait.

dammit pyro stop it dont ask a grown ass man to put his face inbetween your legs

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

tfw Scout thinks he might be gay too

This is Pyro's true power.

CUTENESS POWER

Master of conversation, right here.

totes ps pls dont do it sniper dont be scout DONT BE THAT GUY

Hahahaha, he'll be lucky he can talk at all.

rofl this is not awkward lets talk about your cousin and me no homo btw

no subject

no subject