notintehkitchen | o hay I'm actually bein a dude lol Pyro x Sniper IT'S A TRAP

Pyro was just happy to have made it back after getting rid of her get-up without being detected. As paranoid as she was, she had used a public restroom for at least a half an hour trying to rub of all her make-up with soap and water. The amount of foundation and powder she needed had been insane. Taking into account she had been worried that if her cousin had freckles in all the same spots she did too, she might be caught. There was no way your cousin looked exactly your twin when you were male and female. How could she make that believable? It was too bad she couldn't get tips from Spy--then again he could just disguise himself easily when he wanted to.

Back at base, after a few days on the battlefield the team was given a day off. As she headed back to the base, her teammate closest to her age ran in front of her and stopped her to talk her head off. It was a common occurrence. To be polite, she took off her mask so she could show him she was attentively listening. Something was a bit odd though with Scout's reaction as Pyro ran a hand through her hair that was long enough to have Soldier scolding her to cut it. It wasn't THAT long, but she still had the longest hair of anyone.

Tilting her head, before she could ask what the red-faced boy was thinking about he took off with an arm over the lower half of his face. His overall posture looked of one that had been insulted or embarrassed and yet she hadn't said a single word. Strange...

Shrugging it off, she went over to the entrance and plopped down. Unzipping her suit down to her waist she slid off it off her upper frame and revealed her toned shoulders. It was time to have a smoke and try to take the edge off the exhausting day and the weird occurrence that had just happened. It had been rough, out on the battlefield today it seemed the opposing Soldier and Heavy really had it in for her. She had respawned several times in an attempt to keep her comrades safe.

Though a day off meant that Sniper could relax, it also meant two things:

a. They weren't getting paid.
b. He might actually have to pay attention to both his thoughts and his teammates at some point, as his work wasn't there to distract him.

And he did need distractions, as it turned out. Despite how horribly it had gone, Sniper couldn't get that evening with Momoko out of his head -- not the date itself, nor the things she had said to him. She'd complimented him, paid attention to him rather than to anyone else in the room, as seemed to be the normal occurrence any time he actually went out with the other REDs. Her behavior catered to his sense of self-esteem, and made him feel... really good, as much as he didn't want to admit having enjoyed such things. He had no time for a relationship with his work.

But the more he thought about what she'd said, and how she'd looked at him, and how she'd looked sitting across the table from him... the more he wanted it. He wanted to bask in that feeling again, as well as to make up for his terrible first impression -- and it had been truly horrible, much to his chagrin. He was having a hard time mending his pride after how miserable of a date he'd been. He was lucky no one seemed to have heard about it yet.

Unfortunately, asking for another date to make up for the first would mean talking to Pyro, and Sniper had been pointedly avoiding that -- not just because of the embarrassment of having been an awful courtier, but because of something he absolutely did not want to address.

Yet, every time he looked at his teammate, he saw it: the lad looked a lot like his cousin, painfully so. In the same way Sniper had been drawn to Momoko's looks, he couldn't help that same attraction suddenly grabbing him when he looked at his fellow RED. He could almost picture the lad in the outfit she'd been wearing, that dress clinging to her every curve, stockings showing the shape of her legs—

It wasn't right, he reminded himself as stepped outside of his camper and spotted Pyro smoking outside the base. It wasn't right to think of another bloke like that, especially not a coworker. It was his nerves, he told himself. He was just sore the date had gone badly, and he needed to make up for it. Once he'd done that, he'd stop obsessing over it. He knew all too well how he tended to fixate on situations, whether it was the battlefield before him, the hunt for a wild beast, or even something as simple as a date with a lovely lady. He was a competitive man, a true professional: he wouldn't quit until the job was done.

And so he couldn't quit now. He took a deep breath and headed over to Pyro, giving the lad a wave in greeting.

"G'day, Pyro."

Seeing Sniper heading towards her was a little surprising. This wasn't the type of guy who wanted to bring up casual conversation. Why did she get the feeling he wanted something from her? Sighing inwardly, she raised her hand up near her forehead in a half-salute and smiled. Might as well try to get closer to one of her comrades she was often protecting.

"Heya, Snipes! What's going on?" In the back of her mind, she thought about what she had done not too long ago. Dressing as a girl and being useful to Sniper emotionally outside of work wasn't on the job list. Being too nice really could be a problem...

Deciding he might want to scold her for her work not being up to par, she flushed. "Uhm... Sorry about today. I'll do better next time. I'm really embarrassed about it." Then again, it was that time of the month. Not that she was going to get into that as an excuse.

Sniper waved a hand, dismissing Pyro's unnecessary apology. "Not what I came to talk to you about."

He paused, trying to ignore Pyro's reddening face and how much it reminded him of the lad's cousin. Speaking of her... "Er. About your cousin."

Yep. Good start.

Edited 2015-11-02 03:46 (UTC)

That was fast. She didn't think she'd be talking about the fake cousin that was actually her right off the bat. Sniper wanted to get down to business and yet she had to feign ignorance about anything that had happened between the two of them that night.

"Um. Yes? What about her?" Placing her hands over her head, she began to pray he didn't make up some sort of story about having his way with her in some sort strange way men seemed to brag and bond with one another. Seriously! How could they talk about THAT even while eating? Food was better then sex, easily.

He cleared his throat, trying to give himself time to figure out exactly what it was he wanted to say, as well as the way to say it that would do the least damage to his pride. He needed to figure out what Pyro knew first, if anything.

"You heard anything about how it went?"

"Not really." Guess she should remind him of the whole attractive part. While playing this role she could use her fake persona as the one truly saying it.

"Said you were handsome and her type." It wasn't a lie. He was handsome. Annnd... if this were some alternative universe maybe she would even be interested in him. There was already someone she held special in her heart even if that someone would never know the truth in front of them just like the comrade she was speaking to now.

Feeling a little annoyed with herself, she mentally cursed now. What was wrong with her? Always falling for old men... falling for someone dangerously close to her that she couldn't let know what she really was... damn, she was pathetic.

At that moment, she surprised herself with the next words out of her mouth. "I doubt there's any need to worry. I mean, look at you." She threw her hands up. "You... you.. actually look like what a man should look like. Girls aren't pinching your cheeks and only calling you cute or pretty and squealing over how adorable you are. Really makes a man feel like a man." Her experiences as a man in town at bars had been oddities. Girls did talk to her but she didn't think they actually wanted her in a sexual way.

Sniper shifted uncomfortably as Pyro talked about him -- not just reiterating what his cousin had said on their date, but giving him a compliment of his own. The way the lad put it was even similar, so much so that Sniper couldn't help but be reminded of Momoko.

He got that same feeling she gave him when she called him attractive, as well. He felt his face turning red, his mouth drying. It was odd enough to think of himself as 'what a man should look like,' having been raised as the one kid without a mustache in a country where they were the norm for both men and women alike. To have his coworker -- another man -- say something like that unsettled him.

But what made his stomach turn the most was that he couldn't help but be a little flattered. Pyro reminded Sniper of Momoko in the worst way. He fumbled with his hat, trying not to look as flustered as he felt.

"The date didn't go well," he finally managed to mumble, trying to ignore how hot his face felt.

"Oh." Yeaaaah, he could say that. She wasn't sure it was his fault though. Poor guy. "I'm sure it wasn't that bad. She didn't tell me she ran off crying and I can't recall her saying anything negative about you." Rubbing at her eyes, she yawned. It had been a long day and a rough week. Pretending to be a boy who then had to pretend to be a girl in order to support her comrade was more difficult then she imagined.

"I dunno..." She shrugged and stretched her arms upwards as she cracked her neck. "I guess I can talk to her again if you want." Although she had a feeling that was going to lead to her having to find another costume and hours of prepping herself to look like a girly girl.

"Maybe you are just too hard on yourself. You don't have to take a date as seriously as your job. Relax or something. You don't want a girl to think you're all uptight, right?" Pointing to herself, she then winked. "Be a little like me... or like Scout--but not the asshole part. Ah, hell. You know what I mean."

"I'm not uptight," he denied, his hand reflexively going to adjust his hat. He could practically feel the kick his pride was taking, especially at the suggestion he be more like Scout. Scout. He wasn't that bad with women.

Well, maybe. The date had shown him otherwise. "I'm just— I've never had much of a way with women," he clarified. "S'been some time since I went on a date. I probably shouldn't be dating anyway, what with my job and all."

Getting up from her spot on the ground, she placed a hand on Sniper's shoulder and gave him a gentle pat. "Who said because you have a job that you couldn't have fun? I don't remember reading NO FUN in my contract." Pyro had a difficult time keeping to herself how cute he was when he did the thing with his hat. An adorable nervous habit but she couldn't use the word adorable.

"I don't think you suck with girls. Maybe you just have low self-esteem when it comes to that area. Girls... well, they really aren't all that different from us. I'm sure if you just would be you that I--my cousin would like you a whole bunch. Creating a fake persona and having to live with it is no fun." Speaking from experience, oh if she only could tell him how much experience she had.

"It's not my bloody self-esteem," he cut back in a way that said yes, it was his self-esteem when it came to women. Though he might not have admitted -- nor have fully realized -- the extent to which his mustacheless upbringing colored the way he perceived himself as a mate, his body did the talking for him: his muscles tensed, fingers twitching as he continued to avert his eyes to cover for his lie. The topic made him nervous, as it was well into uncomfortable, unfamiliar territory. He could talk about hunting all day, and sniping was both a profession and a pastime, but women and courting them were different beasts, ones he wasn't used to facing.

"You don't know how I am with them, Pyro," he continued. "You didn't see me make a bloody mess of things."

You have no idea just how much I know about how you are with them. Too bad about that secret, it really was frustrating talking to a man who wanted to be a wall. Sniper was a stubborn thing, sort of reminded her of herself.

"You aren't going to make anything better from running away from your problems." Flicking him on the forehead and then attempting to run out of his personal space so he wouldn't grab her and possibly scold her she turned around and grinned. "You want to be a real man? All of you here seem pretty sure about that... worried what others will think of you... just makes you seem more pathetic. Your worries of yourself and self-esteem go hand in hand from the looks of it. You'll never get anywhere if all you care about is how others perceive you." Placing a hand against her head, she then sighed.

"How old are you again? Probably my Dads age. I guess being older doesn't actually mean you mature in the mind. You seem like a nervous wreck who can't handle a friendly girl. I know my cousin, she doesn't think you are a dope."

It was a good thing Pyro got out of his reach, as Sniper growled at his teammate's teasing.

"I'm not old," he hissed. "And I'm not a bloody wuss what's worried about what others think of me. I'm a professional, a bloody assassin!"

He took a step toward Pyro, his temper getting the better of him. He didn't like being called pathetic; he burned at the assumption that a man of his caliber had poor self-esteem. Being told he was old and immature just added to the fire, causing his blood to boil.

Pyro was pretty certain that Sniper was going to attack her. At close range she thought out of the two of them she had the better advantage even without any weapons on her.

Now, she didn't want to throw down with Sniper but she did remember that men loved to fight and wrestle. It was supposed to be manly and she had just questioned how manly he truly was. Wait. Was this bonding!? Maybe they were bonding! This is how guys bond! Oh, SCORE! They were going to be buddies!

"Oooh. So, what are you gonna do? Sorry, old man but I'll have you on the floor if you try anything funny. Are you forgetting who your protector is? Don't think I can't read your movements. I know your body language better then anyone." She sounded playful which could come off as being a huge asshole... or a huge asshole.

Sniper knew better than to cave to Pyro's taunting. He was a total professional, one who was fully aware he was better off in a tree with a gun than on the ground armed only with his fists. He'd spent years in the bush contemplating the best way to utilize his natural talents, perfecting his craft while figuring out how he could carve out a living in the Outback when he couldn't even grow a proper mustache.

But he wasn't in the Outback any more, nor was he armed with a gun, but he was contemplating the best way to go about his situation. Pyro was grinding his gears, much as Scout did on a daily basis. Unfortunately, this wasn't Scout, the scrawny lad who was built purely for running -- as much as it wounded his pride, Sniper knew he'd rather turn tail than be flattened in a fist fight with the brawnier Pyro.

His teeth ground together behind his lips, his glare getting icier by the second. "I didn't come here lookin' for a fight, ya bloody wanker," he growled.

Sniper was a serious guy and with a poker face most of the time, Pyro only found herself able to read him better then most due to the amount of time she spent protecting him on the battlefield. Even if his face didn't move much, Pyro did notice the change in tone or the slightest movements of one's body. If it weren't for her whole obsession with burning things she'd probably make a decent Spy. Not that she'd ever admit to it.

"Wanker is like... the F-word for Australians, right?" Or maybe it was the fuck word with the word head added at the end. Fuckhead. Something like that. Learning the slang of all her comrades after picking up an entirely foreign language had been a bit of a struggle. American slang was easier due to her exposure to Western culture through movies and music but Aussie stuff was mainly lost on her.

"Hmmm. Well. I think it takes a real man to back down from a fight without saying it's only because he thinks he'll kick my ass. It takes a pretty big person to do that." Smiling, she put down her hands to her sides and spoke with genuine sincerity and enthusiasm. "I like you. You are sort of charming in your own way... even if you are kind of stupid sometimes. I guess that's why I'm here to protect you in those times." If it wasn't for that magical voice changer making her giggle sound more masculine she would of sounded so damn girly and giddy. Even with her voice being tuned it still came off as not right.

Edited 2015-12-07 10:45 (UTC)

Sniper let out a snort. He was not going to argue with Pyro's teasing, not going to correct the lad's ideas on Australia slang, and certainly not going to—

Wait, what was that? His eyes flicked over to his teammate, the features on his face tightening with discomfort as Pyro called him 'charming.' That wasn't the type of compliment appropriate between teammates -- certainly not between two blokes.

And yet, he felt himself turn a little red -- he couldn't tell if it was the resemblance between Pyro and his cousin, or the timbre in Pyro's voice as he spoke with such sincerity, but something about the way he said it... it was flattering.

And the fact that Sniper felt that coming from a teammate made him more than a little uncomfortable.

"Right," he uttered noncommittally, pushing his hat over his face. He needed a way out of this conversation. "Call your cousin, see if she'll let me try again. No restaurant this time."

Watching him play with his hat was too precious. What a cute nervous habit. It would be fun to take it from him. What sort of faces did he hid underneath there? Laughing as she closed in on him, she then hunched down a bit to see if she could get a decent look past the hat.

"Why are you hiding? We aren't on the battlefield. You don't have to hide all the time." Although being a shy man was something that made her want to cuddle him. "Don't worry. I've got your back." More then he knew.

"Anyways, I'll go get her for you. Say... hmmm. I bet you could even see her tonight if you would like that?" She was making a pretty hefty promise. Costuming herself up again was going to be a pain but she had a hard time disappointing Sniper. She really wanted to make her comrade happy.

Though he couldn't tell just how red he actually was -- the fact that he could feel himself burning was bad enough, and in turn made him even more embarrassed -- Sniper took a step away from Pyro as the lad closed the gap between them, turning as Pyro hunched down for a closer look at his face.

"Tomorrow," he said, cycling a breath through him, not wanting his teammate to see what he was hiding beneath the brim of his hat. He wanted to run, to get out of there, to dodge any and all explanations as to why he was feeling anything, especially toward his coworker. It was that he was mortified he'd mucked up the date, he told himself. He was a professional, not someone who deserved to be teased, so he wasn't used to it. He was thinking of Momoko and noticing what qualities she shared with her cousin. There was nothing wrong with him.

He certainly wasn't experiencing the same kind of attraction he did for Momoko for his teammate. Absolutely not.

He shifted uncomfortably in his boots. "Seven. Nah, six. I'll come up with something for us to do. Just let me know where to pick 'er up."

"Hmmm. Fine. Why not meet her by the park?" It wasn't like it gave her excuse to play on the swings while SHE waited. Pyro was going to be the first one there. She had to be. There went the rest of the night. Now she had to try extra hard to look perfect.

Taking another look at Sniper, she walked past him and then stopped. She didn't say anything but she couldn't help but think if dressing up as much as she did was a waste for a man that enjoyed hiding behind his hat so much. Pyro didn't give herself enough time to think about what she said before it just escaped her lips.

"Can you... not wear your hat? It's not very nice to hide behind it." And without waiting for a response she was off and running. He would never understand just how far she was going to please her comrade. This wasn't in the contract and yet, she sort of felt excited at doing it too. It was a change of pace, being a girl for real. That's probably why she liked it, no other reason.

It was a good thing Pyro took off before Sniper had a chance to answer: that request was met with immediate denial, most of it uttered by the time Pyro was out of the room.

"I don't hide behind it," he cut back, his eyes following the retreating Pyro. "Oi! It's a nice bloody hat!"

But he had to be honest: he did hide behind it a lot. He normally kept an impassive expression well; however, when in situations far out of his comfort zone, he struggled to hide his embarrassment. He was used to being on his own, out in the wild where no one could see his failures - not that he admitted to many. People were far more troublesome to deal with than beasts.

At least he was getting a second chance to prove he wasn't a failure. He was a dinkum Aussie, a bloke through and through. He just hadn't been prepared for that fancy restaurant was all. Too far out of his element. The park, though? That was closer to his element, even if only a hair.

He could acclimate, though. All he had to do was show up an hour or two early, just to get a feel for the place. Then he could wait patiently for his date to arrive. It was like lining up the perfect shot - all he had to do was get settled in, get his bearings, and wait.

Pyro had to give up the rest of her time until the next night to make sure everything was perfect. She refused to be beaten to the place she had picked as a date for them. Sadly, it had been pretty lonely just sitting on the swings and waiting for her comrade to arrive. She could only swing so long before she started to think on everything that had been happening and stress herself out. In some strange way the stress had made her more tired then awake and she was sleepy from the extra hours she had spent up. She couldn't be 100 percent perfect all the time. If she closed her eyes for a little bit, could she be blamed? This wig might suffer a bit, but if she was careful... oh hell.

She knew her comrades footsteps, if he got near she would react accordingly. Pyro told herself that thinking she could act like an automated robot instead of a human. In the end, she had drifted off into a sleep on the swings.

Hoping to give himself a chance to prepare for this date - he had to prove he could do this, or his pride would never recover - Sniper arrived well over an hour early. He parked his camper on the road, straightened the collar of his shirt, and just before getting out of the vehicle, took off his hat and set it in the driver's seat. He grumbled as he slid out of the cabin, annoyed with himself that he was caving to Pyro's teasing about his hiding behind that hat far too often. At least he wasn't going bald like his dad just yet. Maybe he'd be lucky and make it through life with a head full of hair.

He could think more on that if he made it through the date. Running a breath through him, he tucked his keys into his pants - no vest for extra pockets, as he'd chosen to go with a nice shirt instead - and headed into the park.

And it was two steps in that he spotted her: Momoko was already there, having made herself comfortable one of the swings on the playground. Sniper didn't even have a second to wonder why she chose a swing rather than one of the benches - he threw himself behind a nearby bush as though what cover it offered him would hide his unpreparedness, what little composure he'd scraped up lost in an instant. Why was she there so early? Didn't she bloody know what time she was supposed to show up? He was supposed to have an hour to prepare and now he couldn't because of course she was already bloody there.

Peering through the branches, he took another look, making sure that was indeed her... and more importantly, trying to see if she'd spotted his escape into his impromptu hiding place.

Sniper was free to mess-up. Pyro was unaware completely as she slept. As time had passed, she had started to lean downwards. Right now, she was pretty close to losing her grip on the swings chain bars.

PLOP. Aaaand there she went on her side into the sawdust. For most people sawdust would be uncomfortable against her skin. For a young lady who had spent all her free time and then some preparing for such events she didn't have the energy or the conscious to realize where she was sleeping now. Life was pretty tough when you juggled two lives and protecting a bunch of people from harm. She only had one body. There was no splitting herself. Oh, if only...

As she adjusted herself on the ground, her dress hem begin to rise up on her legs. Like before, she had worn black leggings that hid her scars. What it didn't hid though were how thick her thighs were.

Edited 2016-01-15 19:36 (UTC)

tfw Scout thinks he might be gay too

This is Pyro's true power.

CUTENESS POWER

Master of conversation, right here.

totes ps pls dont do it sniper dont be scout DONT BE THAT GUY

Hahahaha, he'll be lucky he can talk at all.

rofl this is not awkward lets talk about your cousin and me no homo btw

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is this their version of sex pyro is going to assume this is what manly bonding bromance is

Are we having fun? Is this how mercenaries have fun???

is this how comrades compliment each other not gayly... oh its gay? okay.

I LIVE. OH BOY HOW I'VE MISSED YOU

ohboyohboy same!

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thighsthighsthighsthighs